Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
