so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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