Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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