I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im holly from the hills drunk
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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