New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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