wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
