no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
