Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
