I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
last night I used snow as a chaser
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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