I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
