I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
