Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
