My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
