Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
