Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
