We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
