All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
