I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
