don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
