Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
