PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
