I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
