I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
