It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
