Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
