The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
