it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
