So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
