i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
