how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
