It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
