so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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