Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
