i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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