So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
