her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
