Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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