No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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