Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
