it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just tell him i said nine months
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
