Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
