I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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