So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
