is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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