Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
