I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
