No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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