im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Operation Purity has been aborted
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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