i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
