I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
