So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
