In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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