So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
