dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
