Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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