we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
