They should really pass out barf bags in church
only if we run a train.
done.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
