Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
